Lists of Seven

Hopes For 2013

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 21:14:46 -0500

Read lots of books.
Stop swearing and saying “like.” Both make me sound less intelligent.
Get fit and healthy. (But for real this time.)
Recommence writing in my journal regularly.
Graduate magna cum laude.
Find a boy I love and a job that doesn’t feel like work.
Continue to grow as a person. Make friendships count. Take advantage of opportunities and don’t be afraid to get hurt. Love life.

What Was Bad About 2012

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 19:54:45 -0500

Being stressed beyond belief.
Having a veritable nervous breakdown.
Knowing 120 people were talking behind my back and having no way to control it.
Turning into a hermit.
Not having a summer job or internship to put on my resume the summer it counts the most.
Having a year-long romantic roller-coaster end in the most disappointing way. Even with his best intentions, that sucked more than he knows.
Losing a best friend because he treated me like a piece of meat. Even though we were able to smooth over the rough edges in the end, things are always going to be different between us because of what happened between us.

What Was Good About 2012

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 19:43:25 -0500

I gained a lot of life experience. Being the president to my Chi Omega chapter was not a hobby but a full-time job. I learned that people can be really terrible, but I also learned how to deal with them. My multitasking, interpersonal, and communication skills have increased exponentially, and I see just how much I gained coming out of my term, even though it felt like a never-ending nightmare.
I learned the meaning of a true friend. One of the most important relationships in my life crumbled in my hands. I watched as someone I would do anything to protect tossed me aside and treated me like I was a nobody. And when that happened, I realized just how many people I had surrounding me that did care. One specific person (and you know who you are) helped me through some pretty dark times, and I know for a fact that she will always understand and support me, no matter what the situation or how far apart we are. And when I reconciled the relationship that fell apart, I realized that just because someone doesn’t care about you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t care at all. He didn’t need to wait for me to be ready to talk to him again, but he did.
I learned a lot about myself. Even though my unhealthy amount of introspection should probably be minimized in the coming year, I’ve realized that I’ve had my fair share of being a terrible friend. I’ve had a moment of realization that not everything bad that happens to me is other peoples’ faults; sometimes I was getting what I deserved. (But sometimes it’s still other peoples’ faults.) I’ve learned that I tend to freak out about things that I shouldn’t. It has helped me grow as a person, and even if I don’t always like who I am, I feel that the person I’m becoming has a very promising future.
My grades kept going up! I’m so happy that I was able to keep my academics in line despite the incredible challenges I faced.
I felt heartbreak in the most anti-climactic way imaginable with a boy I liked for a year; I felt heartbreak in the most overly dramatic way imaginable with a boy who has always meant the world to me. And I can say that I know how it feels. And I can say that I got through it.
There were some days when I looked damn good. Feeling positive about my appearance was never something I really focused on, so I never really felt it. But this year was different.
Though it wavered at points, my self-confidence in all respects has definitely increased over the year. I know how capable I am and how much I can do when I put my mind to it. I’m pretty great, if I do say so myself.

Hopes For 2012, Revisited

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 19:17:44 -0500

~~Stop dwelling over boys, in all senses. My best friend is really a good guy underneath it all, and eventually someone special will come along who appreciates who I am.~~ LOL WELL THIS IS HILARIOUS. My best friend and I had a bit of a falling out because “underneath it all” he was a pretty shitty person and cared way too much about himself to see the pain he was causing me. But. We’ve reconciled and now we’re okay again. And I never once stopped caring about him. But yeah, dwelling on boys is kind of my thing now. Hopefully something exciting happens in 2013, though.
~~Continue to do well in school, raise my GPA, and challenge myself academically.~~ Check and check. My GPA is *thiiiis* close to hitting magna cum laude for graduation, but I’m going to have to get a 4.0 this semester to get there.
~~Be the best President to my Chi Omega chapter that they’ve ever had. HOOT!~~ Pretty sure I wasn’t the best, but I definitely wasn’t the worst. That was quite a year of learning and experiencing. If I did nothing else, I helped recruit our best pledge class ever and helped make the Personnel Board approachable and useful.
~~Be less dramatic about things that are out of my control. If someone doesn’t care enough to keep me in their life, I have no reason to keep them in mine.~~ See item 1 of this list. Still really dramatic about things out of my control, but I’m learning. And sometimes, just sometimes, people care about you even when you don’t think they do.
~~Continue to journal. And read books for pleasure. And do artistic things.~~ I’ve gotten lazy about journaling, and I hate that. I’ve started reading books for pleasure again, now that I have the time. I should work on the artistic side.
~~Waste less time on the internet. (Sorry, tumblr.)~~ I think even at my busiest, I still wasted too much time on the internet. But I hope that changes.
~~Remember that I’m smart and beautiful and that I can achieve anything if I am determined.~~ Sometimes I don’t believe it, but I know it’s true. This past year was a testament to how strong I really am. I’ve survived the worst semesters of my life; I think I can handle whatever gets thrown at me now.

What I'm Thankful For

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 21:31:12 -0500

jujugiordano:

My family. My mother and father and sister who annoy the heck out of me but who will always be there to support me when I need them. I don’t know how I’ll ever get through life with any of them.

My “family.” The friends who know me inside and out. While those friends have changed over the years (and this year in particular), I cannot express the gratitude I feel when I think of all the people in my life who would drop everything in an instant to lend me a hand. Especially with people falling out of my life who I thought would always be there, it feels nice knowing that people still care.

The one I shouldn’t be thankful for. He has brought me a lot of pain and misery, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving all day today. But regardless of what happens in the future, I’ll always think back on our friendship and how much it helped me grow.

The opportunities I have. Sure, I complain an awful lot about some really unimportant things. But lately I’ve been stepping back and realizing how good I really have it. I’m lucky.

The possibilities for the future. While I want to curl up in a ball and cry whenever I think about graduation and finding a job/career, all that exists for me is pure potentiality. I can do anything and go anywhere, and that’s pretty sweet.

My Big. I wasn’t going to make a separate line for her, but honestly, she deserves it. She has become one of my absolute best friends and has helped me through some very tough times. She understands me. Dare I say we’ve gotten closer since she graduated? Is that possible? She is always a positive force in my life. And I love her. (And I know she’s reading this.)

To be alive. Yes, it’s still corny, but yes, it’s still true. Having a bad day is okay because it means that I’m still around to have it. Allow me a minute of existential crisis: Lately, I feel my youth slipping away from me, and the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that I still have a chance to live. So live, and be merry, and enjoy what you have.

Sentences I Can't Believe I Sent

Mon, 28 May 2012 20:52:22 -0400

This isn’t the right time to say this, but there’s never going to be a right time.
Thinking back on it, I really felt abandoned.
All of those fights when we talked about making sacrifices for the people you care about… you had no idea what I meant by sacrifice.
Being friends with you mattered to me, even though it felt like hell for a really long time.
I’m not looking for your guilt and I’m not looking for apologies.
Feel free to talk to me about it or not; I don’t expect that you’ll know what to say and that’s fine.
I want to say that you’re my best friend and that I love you but those words just feel soiled and dirty right now.

Hopes For 2012

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:16:33 -0500

Stop dwelling over boys, in all senses. My best friend is really a good guy underneath it all, and eventually someone special will come along who appreciates who I am.
Continue to do well in school, raise my GPA, and challenge myself academically.
Be the best President to my Chi Omega chapter that they’ve ever had. HOOT!
Be less dramatic about things that are out of my control. If someone doesn’t care enough to keep me in their life, I have no reason to keep them in mine.
Continue to journal. And read books for pleasure. And do artistic things.
Waste less time on the internet. (Sorry, tumblr.)
Remember that I’m smart and beautiful and that I can achieve anything if I am determined.

What Was Good About 2011

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:15:00 -0500

Spending four months in France and living with an amazing host family while there.
Being slated president of my sorority, even though I was abroad and even though nobody in the new pledge class knows me at all!
Learning to put certain things and people behind me. I’ve definitely become a much more mature person, and I realize now that there are things out of our control that will only destroy us if we can’t move on.
Getting a beautiful DSLR camera and becoming inspired to be more artistic and creative.
Becoming much more self-confident and independent.
Having a really great (though unpaid, and at times, boring) internship with an environmental organization that taught me leadership techniques.
Making so many new friends and knowing that I have a good support system, should I ever need it.

What Was Bad About 2011

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:12:57 -0500

Fighting a lot with certain friends and having a lot of unnecessary stresses in my life.
Wasting an academic semester in France; despite being enriched culturally, I literally learned nothing useful in school.
Letting myself get my hopes up about an impossible situation. And being stupid for believing things would go anywhere.
Missing getting a little in my sorority because I was abroad.
Not getting the housing I wanted and being forced into a situation that is way less than ideal after two years of mediocre (at best) rooming situations.
Not being as fit and athletic and motivated as I would like to be.
Not seeing my favorite band play on their first international tour in years while I was in France.

Hopes For 2011, Revisited

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 10:26:50 -0500

~~Get me a boyfriend. That one guy on my mind would be nice :)~~ That didn’t happen, and the other one I had my eye on doesn’t seem to be a possibility for next semester either. But that’s okay.
~~Continue to do well in school - and raise my GPA so Latin Honors are a possibility.~~ Brought up my GPA during the spring semester, but I still don’t know my grades from this fall.
~~Have an amazing and enriching experience abroad in France.~~ I’d say that was a success.
~~Stop dwelling on the past, thinking about missed chances, and wishing things were different. Take advantage of the opportunities I have in the present.~~ I’ve been working on this one, and I think I’ve come a long way. Much more emotionally mature, even despite a whole bunch of bullshit that happened. Or because of it?
~~Continue to keep a journal and this tumblr.~~ Journal = absolutely. This tumblr = slightly less. But my other tumblr = yes.
~~Get closer to the people I love, and don’t forget to remind them how much they mean to me.~~ Living abroad has definitely helped me hold on to the important relationships and let the other ones go. I know who cares about me, and that’s what I need to remember.
~~Remember that I’m smart and beautiful and that I can achieve anything if I am determined.~~ Trying my best!

What I'm Thankful For

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 18:53:26 -0500

jujugiordano:

My amazing parents. We may fight, and we may throw around words we don’t mean, but I’m beginning to realize just how much you mean to me. I’d be so lost without your guidance, and I thank you for being there when I need you.

My big sister. They always told us we’d be friends when we got older, and I never believed them. Now I see what they meant. I’m glad I can turn to you when I need to, and I thank you for finally seeing me as a real person instead of just your annoying baby sister.

My best friend. You are beautiful and silly and so artistic that it makes me sick. You inspire me to be a good person and do great things with my life. You’ve been there for when whenever I’ve needed you, even now being an ocean apart. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend, and I thank you for staying true to yourself.

My other best friend. I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but I think we are finally starting to mature past them. Despite all of the times we almost fell to pieces, you anchor me and keep me whole and remind me what it means to truly care about another human being. I love you with all of my body, and I thank you for sticking through it all.

My semester in France. As it draws to a close, I’m realizing just how special of an experience this has been. I’ve seen and done so much, and I know leaving in three weeks will be very hard.

My mistakes. Although they may have added stress or sadness to my life, I’ve learned to grow from them. The person I am today is due in part to the things I’ve screwed up before. While I know I will continue to make mistakes as long as I live, I also know that this means I will continue to grow until the day I die.

To be alive. As corny as it sounds, I understand just how fleeting life can be. Of course there are things I wish I could change in life, but I really have it good. If I can use my lungs to take a deep breath when I wake up and use my brain to think, I can’t really ask for much else knowing that so many people are robbed of those luxuries every day. Carpe diem.

What I'll Miss About France

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 16:08:11 -0500

Compotes. Seriously. Already going through withdrawals.
Fresh pastries no matter where I am.
Coffee machines in university buildings. Mainly (exclusively) for their hot chocolate option.
Living in a foreign country.
My host family.
Getting to write letters to family and friends at home.
Feeling like I’m allowed to just go shopping whenever I want.

What I Miss About Home

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 15:38:00 -0500

Being able to pick up the phone and call my mom whenever I feel like talking to her. And not having to wait hours on end to get an email back from her when I have an important question.
Hugging my best friends.
My piano and guitar and singing at the top of my lungs when nobody’s at home.
Living on a college campus. Which includes going to college parties.
Eating food from Boloco. I could really use a Mango Passion smoothie right about now.
Feeling like I’m in the loop about everything.
Hugging my best friends.

HOW I COPE Listen to my “Cheer Up!” playlist,...

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:01:00 -0400

HOW I COPE

Listen to my “Cheer Up!” playlist, skipping “In Repair” by John Mayer because it doesn’t actually cheer me up.
Step away from my computer.
Put down my phone.
Write in my journal.
Draft a postcard that I’ll never send in to PostSecret.
Eat cookies, frosting, or any other food that is bad for the body but good for the soul.
Cry a little bit until I realize that life isn’t fair and it’s just something I’m going to have to put behind me.

Sad Things

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 11:15:39 -0400

A relative of mine passed away unexpectedly yesterday.
It was a freak accident that could have happened to anyone but shouldn’t happen to anyone.
He leaves behind a wife, two sons, and three young grandchildren.
His wife has Post-polio Syndrome and can’t get around all that easily, and now she doesn’t have a husband to help her out.
He was only a few years older than my dad.
I just saw him on Father’s Day and had no idea I’d never be seeing him again.
I don’t want to think about it but I can’t stop thinking about it.

Things That Make Me Smile

Sun, 03 Jul 2011 12:41:41 -0400

Someone telling me that they appreciate who I am, especially when that someone is a someone who often takes me for granted. It feels good to know that they recognize what I do, even if it only happens once in a blue moon.
Getting handed back my passport with a visa to study abroad in it.
Yoga, but not because it makes me feel good. It actually hurts like a mofo. It makes me smile, though, because the DVD I have is called “Yoga for Weight Loss” and at every chance they get, they tell you to focus on your weight loss goals and to feel the heat of your body melting away the pounds. I’m not doing it to lose weight; it’s the only yoga DVD laying around my house. So when I’m sitting there in some reflective meditation pose and I get told to release all of the bad energy that is inhibiting me from losing weight, I just crack up.
Crêpes and Nutella frozen hot chocolate with an old friend and laughing with each other just like we used to when we were little kids.
Getting that email saying I won a $1000 scholarship to study abroad. Makes me feel way less broke.
Finding out that the non-profit I intern for is in the running to win a $25,000 grant from the Pepsi Refresh Program. You can — and should — vote for OurEarth.org here, or text 107400 to 73774 (standard text rates apply)… you can vote each way once a day for the entire month of July!
Having a funny dream where Jason Mraz was interested in me. I woke up lawling.

What You Should Be Doing Right Now

Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:10:35 -0400

Voting here for OurEarth.org to win a $25,000 grant from the Pepsi Refresh Project to help create a student guide for environmental degree programs and groups.
Texting 107400 to 73774 for OurEarth.org to win a $25,000 grant from the Pepsi Refresh Project to help create a student guide for environmental degree programs and groups.
Sharing all of this info on Facebook.
Sharing all of this info on Twitter.
Sharing all of this info on Tumblr.
Sharing all of this info on any other social media/networking site.
Remembering to vote every single day during the month of July because OurEarth.org needs YOUR help to win!

This Week, Updated

Sun, 26 Jun 2011 14:04:10 -0400

~~Work, work, work.~~
Get my VISA to study in FRANCE. (!!!) [Pending… but… ABROAD BLOG!]
Crêpes for dinner with an old friend. [Postponed.]
~~Start rereading “The Brothers Karamazov” — the greatest novel ever written.~~
Craft: summer box. [Started.]
Have a vidchat I don’t want to have but must in order to appear to be a good person. [Avoided.]
~~Something athletic.~~

This Week

Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:40:03 -0400

Work, work, work.
Get my VISA to study in FRANCE. (!!!)
Crêpes for dinner with an old friend.
Start rereading “The Brothers Karamazov” — the greatest novel ever written.
Craft: summer box.
Have a vidchat I don’t want to have but must in order to appear to be a good person.
Something athletic.

Why do you get to have the best friend ever in your life????why????you lucky, lucky duck.

Sat, 18 Jun 2011 00:05:34 -0400

It’s kind of because I’m awesome.
Though I’d only be half as awesome without my bestie.
And just because she’s friends with me doesn’t mean I’m not weird… it just means that she’s weird too.
But of course I mean that in the kindest way possible.
I think. No wait, I do.
But basically… having her in my life is sooOOooo important to me and I’d cry if she wasn’t. (AKA I will when I have to say goodbye at the end of the summer…)
If you happen to run into her, tell her that I love her smelly guts to pieces and that I really am a lucky, lucky duck to have her in my life :)